Thursday, July 31, 2008

I couldn't help myself

So as you know, I've been very horny for a long time. So I gave in and had sex with my son's father. It was nice enough. He was very surprised and very ready. The window was open and I wasn't very quiet so I'm sure the neighbors got a treat. Maybe they were thinking, good for them. Who know?

How I feel about it? It doesn't change much. Just the other day I revealed to my mother that we were not going to make it. She said she supported whatever decision I made. She also suggested that I talk to him and let him know completely where I'm at. See I've explained it but for the last month we've spoken very little to each other. We simple coexist. At times he discuss the future as if we as still together in it. He's not very observant or maybe he don't want to accept.

The sex last night was just fucking. Not loving. We didn't even kiss. He was sweaty and stinky and me too. I'd just worked out and he'd been working in the yard. The sweating and the stinking didn't stop the fucking.

So what now? This weekend we are going to talk, really talk about our future. I'm sure we will argue but it would be nice if we didn't. It would be nice to get something resolved even if it means him leaving. Sex really changes things, don't it? My mother thinks my son still sleeping in my bed could be part of our problem. When she said that the thought of having sex with him made me sick.

I know I said I wouldn't be intoxicated around him but I was and that is mostly why it happened. Now things are more complicated and I have a lot of thinking ahead of me.

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