Thursday, July 10, 2008


How am I going to make it for another month? Yes, a month is all I can take. I'm not sure how I'm going to do it financially but I have to. The month I have left is going to be hell.

Just a few minutes ago, I asked him why he was giving our son chicken when he could have given him rice. We agreed that we'd prefer our son not consuming all the hormones they pump into chicken. He said that our son asked for it but that wasn't true I heard the conversation and repeated it back to him. He then took the defense and said "so it's OK to give him chicken nuggets from McDonald's". Our son can eat chicken but I want to limit it. Then he asks, "when was the last time I gave him chicken". I'm like who cares, that's not what it's about. He just had chicken from Burger King yesterday so how is that limiting the amount of chicken. I guess because he didn't give it to him it doesn't count.

I'm trying not to hate this man. I just stopped smoking and I know I picked a hard time to do it. His voice sickens me.

After we had a few words, my son comes to me and says, "don't yell at daddy". I don't want him to think I'm a bad person because me and his father don't get alone. I walked past the room they were in and said "asshole" in a low voice but loud enough for him to hear it. Not because I wanted him to hear it but because I couldn't help it. Anger consumed me and I just said it. He said, "no that's what you are and now he is seeing it too". At one time, that would have made me go berserk. That's a low blow. Words like that coming from him used to hurt me because I couldn't understand how he could be so mean. I would want him to know he hurt me and that it was wrong for him to go there. But now, I just don't give a fuck. I know he doesn't give a fuck about me and never have. So fuck him! Asshole!

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