Sunday, July 20, 2008

Ironic, huh?

So my crazy ex-boyfriend who I haven’t seen or heard from in about 5 years drops off a note at my door. He said he doesn’t want to bother me but he would like for me to call him. He also said, if a woman who will be his wife answers the phone don’t be alarmed, just ask for him.

My son’s father tried to start an argument with me about something totally different. I avoided it and he seemed very disappointed that I didn’t let him pull me in. So he was upset about the ex’s attempt of connecting with me. So he needed someone to take it out on. Things had been tolerable but he always shows his true colors eventually.

I wish I was free. If I had $5000 I could be free. I considered taking on a sugar daddy but that was a quick thought. I couldn’t bring myself to that when I was young and stupid so I of course I wouldn’t consider it now that I’m wiser with a child to think of. But it would make things easy. So instead of selling my soul I will suffer with my son’s father another month. Meanwhile he had the nerve to mention that he was horny last night. I was like, I’m just hanging out with you to talk and that’s all. I just can’t do it.

A friend told me she couldn’t have a man living in her house that she didn’t fuck, if it was only that simple.

I’ve been without sex for about 5 months. Yes, I’m horny but I’m not tempted. It’s not worth it. Sex with him is not fulfilling. He always seems to start an argument with me the next day. We never make love it’s just fucking. We don’t even kiss during sex. Would you want it? More importantly, I don’t want to send the wrong message to him. So for the first time in a very long time I’m without sex. Five years ago when we would do it every day, I never would have dreamed we would still be together these years later and not having sex at all. How could a good fit go so wrong? Well if you’ve read my previous posts you have some clue. I resent him very much for never loving me back. I was deceived. He should have been up front about his lack of feelings for me. I think the sex was the best part for him, the part that kept him around. Ironic, huh?

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